Wednesday, October 22, 2008

an anniversary - of sorts

On this day last year . . .
- I took a half day off from work to get a 20-week ultrasound;
- I was admitted to the hospital for preterm labor;
- I was started on two types of drugs to stop contractions I had never even felt;
- The doctor told me not to cry;
- I cried anyway.

On this day last year . . .
- I learned I had a crappy cervix;
- I blamed myself for always taking the stairs (There was an elevator at school. What was I thinking?!?);
- I thought about my life with the twins;
- I thought about my life if I lost them.

On this day last year . . .
- I was put on complete bed rest - only up to go to the bathroom, with a shower every other day;
- I typed in "premature labor" on Google (that was really stupid);
- I was very, very scared.

On this day last year . . .
- I stopped being a pregnant woman awaiting her children;
- I became a patient hooked up to monitors and an IV;
- I prayed for more time;
- I begged for more time;
- I hoped someone was listening.

3 comments:

Viking said...

WOW . . . hard to imagine but hard to forget. We're glad you made it through the tough stuff and can enjoy your beautiful babies :)

Brandi Johnson said...

Very profound.. Just look at the mountains you have conquered in this past year! Your strength is amazing and you and your family imspire me!

Gina said...

1) Why would a doctor be stupid enough to tell a pregnant woman NOT to cry? We should have had our doubts then.

2) A cervix is a cervix. Judging anything up your hoo-ha is just plain wrong.

3) Using the internet for personal medical use should be banned. Not that I'm against being well informed, but I don't think this is what Al Gore envisioned when he invented it. I say use it to scare your friends into thinking they have an STD, but that should be the extent of it.

4) Don't forget the mini - fridge: a patient hooked up to monitors and an IV with a mini fridge. That's a pretty flipping sweet hookup - especially when it smelled of corned beef... which is what I remember most... and what will forever remind me of Christmas from now on. Thanks Owen and Elie. Thanks.

Okay, kidding aside: I can tell you that a year ago, I gained more love and respect for you than I had already (which is pretty astounding, even to me); that I found beauty in the way people who didn't know you, rallied around your family in unseen ways; I fed off your strength and hope, and tried (and sometimes failed) to give it back when you seemed like you needed a dose. I love you, I love Mike, and I love Owen and Elie Mak.