Wednesday, May 7, 2008

desperate attempt

We are still trying to get Eliot up to full feedings. Things were going so well last week, and she was up to six full bottles a day. Then she decided she was done with her feeding tube, and she pulled it out. Just pulled it out. Right there - lying on my chest - pulled it out, smiled, and looked at me like she was in front of the class at "show and tell."

I thought she knew what was right for her, so I left it out. I was so desperate to see her taking all of her feedings by the bottle, and selfishly, I wanted to see her face without a taped tube across it. She was so beautiful.

She did well without the tube at first, and then started to slow. She went from taking six full bottles a day on Thursday, to only getting down two full feedings on Sunday. Out of sheer panic that she wasn't getting enough calories, we replaced her feeding tube Monday morning at 5am. What a wake-up call.

But, her little vacation downhill continued. From six full bottles, to two full bottles, to only finishing 1/4th of a few bottles throughout the day today. She has since started squirming, kicking her legs, and pulling away from the nipple. She is crazy- stubborn. I don't know where she gets it.

Tonight, there was a glimpse of hope, as she took almost all of her last bottle. When I tried to give her the teaspoon she had left, she gagged on her feeding tube, and threw up everything - all over me. Regurgitated breast milk pooling on my legs. Awesome.

The worst thing about this cycle is that it starts all over tomorrow, and right now, I don't have any next steps or great ideas to help her. I'm desperate and disappointed, and I just want Eliot to eat.

1 comment:

Rachael M. said...

Have you considered dipping the nipple in chocolate cake? I mean, I don't know any women who don't like chocolate cake...

Seriously, though, I'm sorry she's having a little backslide. But just think about how strong she'll get from climbing all those stairs again...